About alcohol
So, it is interesting to notice that my days of sobriety per week have dwinded monotonically from 4, to 3, to 2, to 1, over the weeks of this latest experiment. What do I think about this?
My drinking habits have changed. Six weeks ago, I would routinely have several tall drinks in an evening. While there was one day in the past six weeks where I really went out and tore it up, for the past six weeks my alcohol consumption has consisted of sips and splashes. It's nice to be content with less.
But small things so easily fly under the radar of awareness, and so it's no surprise that my small alcohol consumption has become as regular as my daily cup of coffee.
The question before me now is: What do I desire?
Let us consider four activities:
A) drinking a bit of alcohol
B) drinking a lot of alcohol
C) drinking a cup of coffee
D) drinking more than a cup of coffee .
Let us also rank desires on a scale from -10 to +10 , and distinguish between passive and active desires.
My active desire for C is quite low but positive, maybe 1 or 2 : I kind of enjoy the ritual of making and drinking the coffee, but there is no deep need in my life that C fulfills. Hence my passive desire is allowed free rein. Since I usually drink a cup of coffee every day, my passive desire for C must be quite high, maybe 9 or 10 .
My active desire for D is quite low but negative, maybe -1 or -2 : I can definitely feel the effects of a few cups of coffee, and don’t wish to feel that with any regularity, but at the same time, the effects of a few cups are not very significant, so I’m not too worked up over it. Since I’ll have an extra cup occasionally, but never with any regularity, I conclude that my passive desire for D is quite low but positive, maybe 1 or 2 .
My active desire for B is quite high and negative, maybe -9 or -10 : I don’t like a lot of alcohol in my life for many reasons, health, mental state, money, etc. My passive desire for B is clearly positive, and used to be much higher, but in the last six weeks it’s dropped to maybe a 2 or 3 . That passive desire gets heard, but very infrequently and never with regularity.
Having reflected now on other aspects of my life I understand better —I really like this system!— , I can now turn to A and see what I think. Remember that I currently lack awareness of A , so my active desires are not getting factored into the equation. Thus from the fact that a drink a bit of alcohol almost every day, I can conclude that my passive desire for A is positive and high, maybe a 7 or 8 . (Not as strong as my passive desire for C , for example.)
Given all this, what do I want my active desire for A to be? Asked another way, what do I want my behavior with A to be? I don’t think I want to restrict A as much as I do with B . I think I envision an ideal balance in D : I have an extra cup of coffee maybe once every four to five days, and I’d be happy having a bit of alcohol that often as well. Phrased another way, my active desire for A is about -8 .
(Incidentally, I think there’s a difference between 1/-1 in the case of D , 2/-10 in the case of B , and 8/-8 in the case of A , even though all of these work out to something like ‘infrequent’ . ‘B’ will happen, but very infrequently. ‘D’ will happen once every so often. ‘A’ will probably happen in clusters of days, every so often. The idea is that the larger the absolute value of the number, the more time is spent in the driver’s seat. The comparison of the numbers only affects the frequency with which that desire gets to spend time in the driver’s seat. I think I can mathematicize this!)
Anyway, now that I have a fuller awareness of what’s going on in the case of A , I’m hoping a healthier balance will be restored to my life!
OkCupid
A few weeks ago, I was monitoring how often I checked OkCupid, and that simple awareness made me almost completely stop checking! Thus I must have had a high active desire against checking, and a low passive desire for checking.
I would like to note for the record that I am now checking OkCupid a lot (and have revamped my profile, etc). But the reason for this is not a lack of awareness! My active desire has completely swung around to a high positive number: I want to meet more people, I want to date, I want to get laid, but more seriously, I want to find a partner!
Of course, there are other ways I want to go about this besides OkCupid, but at least I’ll start meeting more people and getting out this way.
Anyway, this has just been written to affirm my current behavior. :)
Vacations
I just got back from Chicago, where I ate a lot and did nothing. (I talked to my brother a lot, but that could just be considered an accident.)
Is this what a vacation is? Io per me, te la dono! My life right now is practically a vacation: I have tons of free time, and I get to do the most joyous things. I never feel stressed or overworked. My first full day back was one of the best and most relaxing days I’ve had in a long time — I did stuff!
The passive vacation is not for me. :)
So, it is interesting to notice that my days of sobriety per week have dwinded monotonically from 4, to 3, to 2, to 1, over the weeks of this latest experiment. What do I think about this?
My drinking habits have changed. Six weeks ago, I would routinely have several tall drinks in an evening. While there was one day in the past six weeks where I really went out and tore it up, for the past six weeks my alcohol consumption has consisted of sips and splashes. It's nice to be content with less.
But small things so easily fly under the radar of awareness, and so it's no surprise that my small alcohol consumption has become as regular as my daily cup of coffee.
The question before me now is: What do I desire?
Let us consider four activities:
A) drinking a bit of alcohol
B) drinking a lot of alcohol
C) drinking a cup of coffee
D) drinking more than a cup of coffee .
Let us also rank desires on a scale from -10 to +10 , and distinguish between passive and active desires.
My active desire for C is quite low but positive, maybe 1 or 2 : I kind of enjoy the ritual of making and drinking the coffee, but there is no deep need in my life that C fulfills. Hence my passive desire is allowed free rein. Since I usually drink a cup of coffee every day, my passive desire for C must be quite high, maybe 9 or 10 .
My active desire for D is quite low but negative, maybe -1 or -2 : I can definitely feel the effects of a few cups of coffee, and don’t wish to feel that with any regularity, but at the same time, the effects of a few cups are not very significant, so I’m not too worked up over it. Since I’ll have an extra cup occasionally, but never with any regularity, I conclude that my passive desire for D is quite low but positive, maybe 1 or 2 .
My active desire for B is quite high and negative, maybe -9 or -10 : I don’t like a lot of alcohol in my life for many reasons, health, mental state, money, etc. My passive desire for B is clearly positive, and used to be much higher, but in the last six weeks it’s dropped to maybe a 2 or 3 . That passive desire gets heard, but very infrequently and never with regularity.
Having reflected now on other aspects of my life I understand better —I really like this system!— , I can now turn to A and see what I think. Remember that I currently lack awareness of A , so my active desires are not getting factored into the equation. Thus from the fact that a drink a bit of alcohol almost every day, I can conclude that my passive desire for A is positive and high, maybe a 7 or 8 . (Not as strong as my passive desire for C , for example.)
Given all this, what do I want my active desire for A to be? Asked another way, what do I want my behavior with A to be? I don’t think I want to restrict A as much as I do with B . I think I envision an ideal balance in D : I have an extra cup of coffee maybe once every four to five days, and I’d be happy having a bit of alcohol that often as well. Phrased another way, my active desire for A is about -8 .
(Incidentally, I think there’s a difference between 1/-1 in the case of D , 2/-10 in the case of B , and 8/-8 in the case of A , even though all of these work out to something like ‘infrequent’ . ‘B’ will happen, but very infrequently. ‘D’ will happen once every so often. ‘A’ will probably happen in clusters of days, every so often. The idea is that the larger the absolute value of the number, the more time is spent in the driver’s seat. The comparison of the numbers only affects the frequency with which that desire gets to spend time in the driver’s seat. I think I can mathematicize this!)
Anyway, now that I have a fuller awareness of what’s going on in the case of A , I’m hoping a healthier balance will be restored to my life!
OkCupid
A few weeks ago, I was monitoring how often I checked OkCupid, and that simple awareness made me almost completely stop checking! Thus I must have had a high active desire against checking, and a low passive desire for checking.
I would like to note for the record that I am now checking OkCupid a lot (and have revamped my profile, etc). But the reason for this is not a lack of awareness! My active desire has completely swung around to a high positive number: I want to meet more people, I want to date, I want to get laid, but more seriously, I want to find a partner!
Of course, there are other ways I want to go about this besides OkCupid, but at least I’ll start meeting more people and getting out this way.
Anyway, this has just been written to affirm my current behavior. :)
Vacations
I just got back from Chicago, where I ate a lot and did nothing. (I talked to my brother a lot, but that could just be considered an accident.)
Is this what a vacation is? Io per me, te la dono! My life right now is practically a vacation: I have tons of free time, and I get to do the most joyous things. I never feel stressed or overworked. My first full day back was one of the best and most relaxing days I’ve had in a long time — I did stuff!
The passive vacation is not for me. :)
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