me: I'd like to get out of the house today.
It's very rainy.
I mean, I did go out, but just to buy yogurt.
4:44 PM The bottle of Jameson you got has really made me think.
My kick lately is the idea of simply actualizing the person I want to be, and recording what I do.
Passive reflection.
Not problem solving.
But perhaps this depends on knowing who I want to be.
And I think that with respect to alcohol, I'm really not sure about that.
4:45 PM But after having just typed these last sentences, I had another thought.
Perhaps the point of passive reflection is that I don't have to know "who I want to be" .
4:46 PM I mean, I certainly have the values that I don't want to drink too much, or all the time, or socially.
And I don't want it to affect my diet.
But perhaps, with these values in mind, all that is needed is some extra passive reflection, courtesy of this latest blog effort.
4:49 PM A: these indeed are difficult questions. I think food and alcohol are the trickiest things to be at peace with. The problem is that if one has the rest of ones life dialed in. If one is by-and-large disciplined, healthy, and productive, the act of having a little alcohol here and there seems OK. What really worries me about these actions is where they are coming from. What are they an expression of?
4:50 PM I still feel allowing oneself to drink alcohol or to indulge in deserts (even good ones like greek yoghurt with strawberries) is a result of our 'small' self getting the better of the 'big' self.
ANd yet, the acts seem so harmless.
4:51 PM ANd mostly (for me) don't degenerate beyond the occassional indulgence.
me: Wow, just found a bug in facebook.
A: But yet, they bother me, because I am not sure where they are coming from.
me: I'm not sure I feel that way about alcohol, desserts, etc.
Not in every case.
4:52 PM I definitely enjoy my palette enriched by the flavors of yogurt, raspberries, and alcohol.
What I don't like is the drug-like effect.
Which isn't to say the inebriation.
Dessert or salt can have a drug-like effect.
I just had a chicken leg for lunch.
It tasted delicious.
I enjoyed it.
4:53 PM It probably did set off some patterns in me.
It drove me to have a little water, and the plainness of a few raw almonds.
But otherwise, here I am, ten minutes later, still with the same plans I had before, except that now I'm not hungry.
4:54 PM When I interact with alcohol in this way, I have no problems with it.
But when it impels me to drink more alcohol, or eat food (the latter is definitely more of a problem for me than the former), I don't like that.
4:55 PM My "course" is being too affected by a low-level stimulus.
An analogy would be getting cut off while you're driving.
Maybe you'll be annoyed for a moment and yell in your car: What an asshole!
But then it passes and life returns to normal.
4:56 PM But if you start chasing after him, or get annoyed all day, I think that is an unhealthy interaction with a low-level stimulus.
A: hmm. that is an interesting way to put.
me: In the former case, you can even smile to yourself a minute later.
Like, when I was practicing today, I kept reading this note wrong, and exclaimed "Jeremy!" .
4:57 PM And then I mentally took a step back, and just laughed, because I understood why it was happening.
Which naturally diffuses the emotion.
Alcohol doesn't diffuse my emotion, it concentrates it.
But I wonder if the solution is, again, this passive monitoring.
4:58 PM For example, today I have written down EVERY time I have almonds.
Rather than a sweeping "almonds + cheese" for the day, as I was tempted to do.
A: Also, alcohol and certain foods tend to instill patterns of their own. Like a drink every night. Or a snack of nuts and cheese every evening. These are pernicious patterns of themselves. And the consumption of dessert, nuts (for me), and alcohol can very easily fall into these types of mindless patterns.
Which is also why I am wary of them.
me: And this simple honesty has very naturally curbed my desire to have (much) more cheese and almonds today.
Yes!
I agree!
4:59 PM But with daily logging (and this is where the big red pen comes in handy, too), it's easy to see how much you are or aren't doing things.
A: Yes.
me: So, if I go buy a bottle of Jameson tonight, and have a drink, I won't put a big red line through today's day!
That's not "bad" .
5:00 PM Typically when I buy a bottle of alcohol, I drink some every night, until the bottle is gone.
That might be an evening, if friends are over and I'm serving.
Or it might be two weeks.
With a bottle of wine, two or three evenings probably.
A: I think writing down everytime I consume nuts, cheese, alcohol, and dark chocolate might be a good step toward keeping these activities in their place and not allowing them to take a life of their own..
me: But with the calendar, I think it is more likely that I might —just for the fun of it!— not have a drink every night.
Just because of the visual connection!
Because of the Big Red Sharpie!
5:02 PM A: haha.
me: Actually, someone bought that for me before.
I'm gonna get it.
Oh wait.
I can't really write on it though.
No, I will stick with my hand-made calendar.
5:03 PM A: I think that by logging meticulously and having each other look over our shoulders over a reasonable period of time would be a very empowering and enlightening exercise.
me: I do too!
I'm actually really excited about this.
A: I also like the habit I am forming of accounting for every minute of my waking day.
5:04 PM me: I did that when I started the Discipline Diary back in 2007.
I don't feel I need that structure right now.
Right now I'm definitely not dealing with the problem of frittering time.
It's really more an issue of making sure I remember all the things I want to do!
See, the first thing on my food list today is "A few almonds"
5:05 PM then later "Yoghurt + almonds + cheese"
then I had a few more almonds after my chicken leg, but I wasn't going to write that, since "I'd already written it."
but no, I wrote "more almonds and cheese"
And just writing that said to me: Well, it's time to stop.
:)
5:06 PM A: yes!
I am going to do that too.
I will be looking at your blog every day, BTW :)
me: me too
actually
i could share my google doc with you
A: I could too!
me: Okay, done.
5:07 PM I will check the blog if I miss a day.
A: Though I am not sure that an up-to-the-minute report is really necessary.
me: Otherwise it will be nice to see how things are going.
A: I have shared mine too.
me: It came up immediately.
:)
5:08 PM A: Maybe I will keep yours open next to mine all the time :)
me: This is what I've done!
5:09 PM A: nice.
me: All right!
Time for a shower and a walk.
Looking forward to the next iteration of the summary.
A: "Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."
5:10 PM To use your notation ;)
me: hehe
A: It is a beginning, but not of a new friendship ;)
me: quotes are a great thing ;)
A: Ok. Enjoy!
me: Ta!
A: I am going to bike to Philz to work on the next iteration.
And think enroute.
5:13 PM me: Incidentally, another added benefit of talking about this blogging is that it has helped me to find (and continue to refine) good solutions for how to actually do it.
In the past it's never quite been easy enough.
It's getting easier!
5:14 PM A: indeed.
I think the best part for me is having you look over my shoulder.
5:15 PM "If, 10 years from now, you are about to do something quick and dirty, and you think to yourself 'Dijkstra wouldn't have liked that'. Well that is enough immortality for me."
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