10:22 PM A: Yo!
me: Yo.
10:23 PM A: My day was ok.
I did what I set out to do: read through all the notes and begin formulating a summary.
A: And I did make it to a coffee shop in Palo Alto. And I went for a long walk and had a good lunch.
And I applied to a soccer league.
10:24 PM And I have my first post for my new discipline diary (still to be published).
10:25 PM nice!
Who is Wilfrid Hodges?
10:26 PM 'new life with a Big Caledar and Red Sharpie' ?
me: What's the link to your blog?
10:27 PM A: thediscplinediary.blogspot.com
I think I invitied you.
me: You have so many blogs to follow now.
I know but I forgot the link.
10:30 PM Yes, a big calendar and a red sharpie
to cross off the days
10:31 PM A: Why new life though?
me: I think it is a bit of a fresh take on things like diet
lifestyle
fitness
A: ok.
10:32 PM me: I mean, there was a time when I was living the life that I wanted.
And then things happened to take me out of that loop.
A: I meant to ask earlier: you are translating the languages of these operas, or are you translating the scores from one instrument to another.
me: I've tried to "deal with" the "problems".
10:33 PM But certain things I think I've failed to overcome because I keep treating them as "problems".
So "therefore" my life is "problematic".
I want to cut the loop a bit, by just redefining what my life is.
And stop "dealing with" these "problems".
10:34 PM A: For example?
me: Like what I eat.
I've come up with all these "explanations" for "why" I still eat shitty things I don't want to eat.
10:35 PM And to some extent, identifying those things helped me to avoid certain patterns.
10:36 PM But really I wonder if it's just become a way for me to think of myself as "flawed", which excuses the behavior somehow.
This is a working hypothesis, but I've seen it in my brother.
A: ah. I can relate to that!
10:37 PM me: I think the blog was helpful when I used it to take things out of my subconscious.
A: I have fallen into the trap of thinking that simply being aware of the dynamics surrounding certain actions somehow justifies those actions.
me: To recognize patterns that had been sort of insidiously governing my life.
And the awareness of some of them helped me to change them.
10:38 PM That thought process helped me improve as a musician for sure.
10:39 PM Probably because I started focussing on productive things.
But with diet and exercise, I've done so much analyzing of the problem.
And I wonder if that's actually made it harder.
In any case I'm taking the experiment of a different approach.
A: which is?
10:40 PM me: To focus my attention on the things that I'm doing in my life.
Awareness.
Not analysis.
I think that the other stuff might just slough off.
10:41 PM A: ah. so this will become a food + exercise diary primarily?
me: Ways of understanding, no matter how well articulated, really only make sense if they do something for you.
And for all my analysis of my eating habits, it didn't really do anything for me.
More like an activity + food diary?
Maybe exercise, too.
10:42 PM I think I just want to remind myself how full my days can be.
Or perhaps are.
10:43 PM I want to look at myself as a productive, powerful person.
Not as a problematic person.
To help change my diet, I want to reflect on the power I have elsewhere in life
not reflect on the psychological habits that lead me to dietary problems
which do not (necessarily) help to change those habits
A: ah.
10:44 PM It should be interesting to watch the experiment unfold!
me: Yes. At the very least it is nice to see these lists.
It is easy to jst let days go by and not realize all the things you're doing.
It's not pride I want, necessarily. Just an understanding of where my energies are going.
10:45 PM Perhaps I will tweak them if I need to. But perhaps not.
It's just a difference in perspective.
I want to look at myself now from almost an "admiration" perspective
not a "problem-solving" one
10:46 PM I had a productive day today. I posted that day on a blog.
Tomorrow I'll be a different person.
One who can look to yesterday-Jeremy's post for inspiration
as you might look at Sisson's page for ideas on an exercise routine for the day
10:47 PM A: ah. Interestincg.
me: I debated, therefore, whether to even write anything about the food.
but I think I want to.
10:48 PM When I first changed my dietary habits, all those years ago, it was mere reflection on what I'd eaten that did the trick
no commentary
just the simple act of writing it down
I'm going back to no alcohol, too.
for an indeterminate amount of time...
At the very least until I start making money next fall :)
10:49 PM Summer will be a bit of a fallow time, and I simply don't have the budget for it.
The calendar and red-pen are also a big help. At least for me.
10:50 PM When I started not drinking in march, I crossed out each day I didn't drink in a big red pen.
A: wow. that is a nice idea.
Never done it myself.
10:51 PM But I can see that being a powerful thing to do.
me: i've thought of it before
never did it until march
it was ridiculously powerful
A: I will keep it in mind in case I feel the need to enforce this type of habit at any point.
10:52 PM I like your idea of looking at your blog as affirmation and inspiration as opposed to being a tool for problem solving.
No comments:
Post a Comment